I would like for these "blog" posts (which are actually news(?) to be a bit more private. I see this one in particular as a sort of journal, and imo it's not really the most suitable content to flash in the faces of innocent newgrounders.

Making art is so hard. I feel like most of the time I just bang my head against the desk. I can't focus, I can't create, my brain tries everything it can to escape the situation. I just stare at the art; no progress is made. Then I might go and do other things like update my feed, consume tiny bits of entertainment, try to send messages, my brain might venture into different websites, and then I might need to steer up/do things irl, I don't eat nor hydrate; back to banging my head against the desk and virtually no progress.

I don't hate ms paint as I have claimed. Though it is rather troublesome that I cemented my "artist-identity" as: "one creating art in ms paint". Ms paint does have some great capabilities for pixel manipulation, and I keep discovering new tricks, techniques and possibilities, which in itself can be a rewarding process; and I think much of the potential of ms paint (understandably, and it would be weird if it wasn't) is overlooked by most people. I have the same mentality when it comes to making art as playing games (sometimes they overlap): no tutorials. I have a need to figure out and discover how to do things by myself. Limitations and inability to git gud makes it so I don't always stick to this rule however.

Finished artworks can give me a lot of satisfaction, and for a long time; but everything about the process of getting there is just so so notoriously inefficient and difficult. I might get frustrated in case I happen to see an art stream since everything they do seem so easy. If they want to rotate something they just rotate it, resizing doesn't make it look terrible, there's layers. If I want to rotate something in ms paint I basically need to remake the entire thing unless it's by a 90 degree angle. Paint does have a function to skew. I've tried experimenting with it but I do not understand it and I know not how to consistently get satisfactory results from it yet. Most of them are really bad.

Also there are many alternatives that are free. Even some websites might let you zoom in more than Paint does. Krita seems promising, and good; it's just that this stubborn and vexing ms paint dedication that I sometimes question why I have (I question many things about myself) prevents me from exploring it. There's a Krita planet somewhere out there where things are easy, and we can't go there.

Perhaps that was all my spaghetti-and-meatballs-thoughts wanted to talk about at this time. Art-block and at the same time getting to talk about my personal creative process when creating art; some neat hubris.